Sometimes, as I’m sipping my protein shake and snacking on a hard-boiled egg I think WHO HAVE I BECOME?!
You know when you are creeping, I mean, ummmm, checking in on friends, on facebook and you see One of Those People post about the amazing run they just had. The incredible salad they just ate. The pant size they just dropped? Well. Yeah. Hi, my name is Kristie and I have become one of those people.
I don’t want to say that those people annoyed me. Because really, they didn’t. I more just wanted to give them a little flick to the forehead. And then continue eating my potato chips. Because how dare they make me feel guilty about my potato chip habit? Sure sure, they weren’t intentionally trying to make me feel bad about those crumbs scattered about my body. But they made me feel bad nonetheless. How dare they?
But one day I realized that maybe I ate a few too many potato chips for my liking. Actually, if I’m being honest here, really what happened was one day I realized I wasn’t young anymore. *GASP*
WHAAAAAAAAT? and I realized that that realization? Well. It was bullshit. I didn’t want to get older. I stomped my feet and threw around some curse words. I researched Botox. I considered putting on my hiking boots and going on the hunt for the fountain of youth. And then I got slightly more realistic. I decided that I had a choice in how I care for my body. And I decided that I wasn’t about to go down without a fight. And so I have decided to fight for a healthy body.
And that is why I am writing this post. I know it is sort of annoying, but really I am just very excited about this journey I have begun. I’ve become one of those annoying people on facebook that talks about their amazing workout ;) I’m about to interrupt your potato chip snack time.
Struggling with weight only became an issue for me once I became an adult. I grew up an itty bitty thing. I never thought twice about my body, other than feeling self-conscious that I was too skinny. I ate a TON. I just didn’t gain. I graduated high school at 97 pounds. I was at my heaviest when I got married at 120lbs. And then in my mid-twenties I went on anti-depressants. And kaBOOM. My mind grew calmer, and my ass grew wider! At my heaviest I was 180 lbs. For the first time in my life, I felt immensely uncomfortable in my own skin. And every attempt to lose weight was spurred by the idea of getting skinny again. Why couldn’t my body bounce back to that itty bitty girl I used to be? I wasn’t focused on what the excess weight was doing to my body. I was simply focused on getting thin again.
Over the years I slowly lost the weight, even with the wrong mind-set. Slowly, with an on-again off-again relationship with cardio, quitting the medication, and finally, getting a job that was incredibly physical. Which brings me to the body I have today. Which is good and all. Fluffy around the edges, slightly jiggly, but gets the job done. But not great.
I have realized I will never in my wildest dreams be that skinny little thing again. It just isn’t realistic. But here’s the amazing thing. I also finally have realized that I don’t want to be skinny. I mean, come on. SURE it would be nice, but more so I want to be healthy. I want to be strong.
I am ten weeks into this journey and am going strong. I feel so very great, and honestly, so very proud of myself. And the best part? I am not overly concerned with the scale. Depending on the day, I have lost 3-5 pounds, which may not sound like much. and really, it isn’t. But the program I follow encourages you not to concern yourself with the scale, which has been so liberating. I am not losing many pounds, but my body is changing in so many other ways, and I am finding those changes far more exciting than watching numbers on a scale.
Getting healthy is my new priority. I have realized that in order to take care of yourself properly, it truly does have to become a way of life. It HAS to become part of your regular routine. I know what I need to get done in a week, and I just make sure it happens. I used to make excuses and all it would take is one curveball in the schedule to throw everything off. And once things are thrown off, I would simply quit. Today went bad, so why even bother trying tomorrow. I have had lots of obstacles in the last couple of months, but I have worked around every single one of them because this is too important.
And then my journey hit a road bump when I was eight weeks in and it was an amazing reminder of why I am doing this. I tell myself on a regular basis that I will not go down without a fight. I have watched both of my parents struggle with health issues and it freaks me out quite a bit. And so I made a very conscious decision to make my body fight. About 6 months ago I was hit with very sudden back pain that knocked me quite literally on my ass. And then about two weeks ago I was hit with it all over again.
Turns out I’ve got a little sumthin’ sumthin’ going on back there. I was infuriated that my body was letting me down. I was frustrated that I couldn’t do such simple tasks as wash my face in the sink or put my own socks on. And I was pissed that I couldn’t work out. That’s when I knew I was in this for the long haul. THIS was a clear winner for the old me as a reason to quit. But the new me? THIS was a clear winner for exactly why I need to keep going. I think my chiropractor almost did summersaults after I told him that I prescribed myself a treatment plan of planks :)
So I literally leave a puddle of sweat on my floor three times a week. And I walk about three miles three to four times a week. And I weird myself out on a regular basis when I catch myself sipping protein shakes and snacking on carrots. WHO IS THIS PERSON?!?!
This person is a new version of me. With a cute little baby bicep and everything!
What IS my journey?
- I am NOT dieting. I don’t believe in diets- I never have and I never will. I have vowed to be a conscious eater. Food is my biggest struggle and always has been. I cannot commit to eating plans. I just don’t stick with them. So instead I have evaluated my habits and have begun to make very conscious decisions on what I allow into my body. I do NOT eat amazingly well. When I eat poorly (DAMN YOU FIVE GUYS!!!!! You are my kryptonite!) I do it with a mind that is fully aware that I am choosing this bad food. I ask myself if all the sweat I left on the floor was worth this choice. I do not eat out of boredom anymore. I do not mindlessly snack. I think my poor food choices out thoroughly and make a conscious decision that yes, yes this fried chicken IS totally worth it right now. And the next time I want something bad, I think about how I already had something bad a couple of days ago, and so toobadsosad I’m just going to have to forfeit and go eat a carrot. It’s really been that simple.
- I watch my portions. Which honestly, is my toughest battle. Because guys, I luuuuuurve food! But I no longer have bad food in the house- if it’s not there, you cannot eat it! I plan my food for each day and bring EVERYTHING to work. If I didn’t bring it, I don’t eat it. I bring protein bars with me when we are running errands on the weekends so that I am not tempted to stop for fast food. *ahem* damn you Five Guys! *ahem*
- I sweat. I need a program to follow- I am not good at figuring out what I need to do on my own. And to add to that, I have an irrational fear of going to a gym. I know, I know. A friend had mentioned on IG that she was doing a program called Bikini Body Guide, and while normally a name like that would sort of turn me in the other direction, she talked about how freaking hard it was, and so I checked it out. Because I don’t know, bikini body guide just sounds sort of silly to me for some reason. But listen to me very closely. It is fucking hard. HARD. The amazing thing is you give it your all for 28 minutes, three days a week, and walk for three days a week, and AHmazing things begin happening to your body. I really wanted to be invested in a program where I did not have to go to a gym. That I didn’t need to buy a whole bunch of equipment for. I wanted to be able to work out in my home. In a park. In a hotel room. With this guide you can take it anywhere with you and I love that! And the great thing is once the program is complete, you can go full circle and start all over again, increasing your weights and gaining even more changes in your body. I am really in love with this program and encourage you to check it out. If you are an Instagram check out the hashtag #bbg…and be blown away by the transformations. And I will also say, don’t be daunted by all those young girls….I was worried that since I am *cough* older *cough* that maybe I couldn’t expect the same results…WRONG. Search #momscanbefit and be amazed.
- I’m going to go eat a carrot now.