Archive for September, 2017

September 2, 2017

ummmm, hi?

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See my shadow changing,
Stretching up and over me.
Soften this old armor.
Hoping I can clear the way
By stepping through my shadow.
Tool, forty-six & 2

So uh, hi? It’s kind of been a while. *sheepishly looks away and shuffles her feet*

I’ve been sort of busy trying to clear the way. What?! What the hell does that mean? I’ve disappeared, and then come back just to be elusive. Who wants to pull the bullshit card on me? I’ll do the honors…BULLSHIT! *It’s kind of fun pulling the card on yourself 😉

Ok really though. How have you been? Is work going well? Your parents are feeling healthy? Are you getting enough rest? Now that we’ve caught up, I suppose it is only fair for me to give you a quick little update on what has been happening in my neck of the woods.

Ok, are you ready? September: My dog died. October: I had a total emotional breakdown/emotionally enlightened moment. November: I moved to a new home. January: I got a divorce.

PHEW! Now that that is out of the way, we can carry on with bringing this blog back to life. What? Why are you staring at me like that? Too much, too soon? No shit! Tell me about it. Try living through it.

And here I sit, on the other end of a bad country song. So basically I have just been hanging out, picking up the pieces, investigating the inner workings of my heart and my brain, and trying to step through my shadow and find my way into the other side.

Son of a bitch! It’s still super elusive, isn’t it? This is a tricky post, I’m telling you!

Ok. I’ll give you a less elusive breakdown.

September: We made the heart wrenching decision to say goodbye to my almost-16-year-old Kodabear. Honestly? I still haven’t really sat down with those emotions. It was stupidly difficult and I still miss that grumpy sonofabitch every single day.

October: Days after our difficult goodbye, we hopped on a plane and headed to our most favorite place in the whole wide world…Costa Rica. And then, the shit hit the fan with my heart and mind. Seriously, if you are going to have a gut wrenching, heart breaking emotional revelation, you might as well do it in the most epic scenery nature has to offer. And so I woke up one day, and my world changed. Costa Rica has a way with me. It always has and I suspect it always will. So quite literally, I woke up one day, and my world changed.

November: I put my big girl panties on and packed my things and for the first time ever, ventured off into the unknown, flying solo. Living alone has been so exhilarating, terrifying, and everything in between. It is something my heart has craved and I am slowly curling up into it and getting cozy.

January: Maybe the most friendly divorce you ever did see occurred in the month of January. And now I am an ex-wife. With an ex-husband. And it is really fucking weird. Tomorrow would have marked 16 years of marriage. Which is also really fucking weird, and probably the push to finally just get it out there.

So now I get to know me. And the single life. Which YOU GUYS?! Single life is also really fucking weird! And sometimes trying. Like, WHOOOOOO is supposed to put the sunblock on my back for me now????? And there was the time I got a large tattoo on my back. WHOOOOOOO is supposed to lotion that thing? And when my back gave out on me, HOOOOOOOOOOW am I supposed to get off the toilet on my own? It’s a journey I tell ‘ya!