Archive for December, 2008

December 30, 2008

Phew! It’s Over. It’s Finally OVER!

In case you didn't notice from all of my woe is me posts this year….I am thrilled that this year is finally done with. gone. over. see ya later alligator.

I have always loved the idea of New Year's. A fresh start, a time to re-do, re-vamp, to get a do-over. Which, when you really think about it, doesn't make a whole lot of sense. Is the 1st of January really any different from the 31st of December? It is just the next day. There is really no difference. There is no monumental thing that happens that makes that day any better/more special than the previous one. And yet, it is more special for me. It allows me a day to think that I can change it all. make things better. be a better person. get healthier. more organized. take better care of myself. love harder. stop holding grudges. spend less. you get the idea. It is the prospect of being better. I love that and all that it represents.

This year has been a tough one. Probably one of my toughest to date. I have had incredible internal struggles that I never expected to face. I had a past that crept up on me and forced me to deal with things I would rather ignore. And I ignored all these things for so long, that when they finally made their appearance, they nearly destoyed my happy little life that I thought I was leading. I broke my husband's heart. I broke my own. I took my little family on an emotional roller coaster that I never wanted to ride on, and seemed never-ending. We are still trapped on that ride, but the thing is, I can see the end. I see the exit sign. And I know that 2009 is the year for ME. 2009 is the year that I get myself back. that I get off this hellish ride and start to live again. to love again. to just simply be. I look forward to it.

It has been quite the journey. And you have all continued to come back, even when this blog took a darker turn, you came back. You have given me words of encouragement that I never expected and never want to forget. I thank every one of my readers for sticking around…it means a lot to me. I know that I have been vague and elusive about all that I have been going through, and I thank you for being patient and respecting that. After much thought and discussions with my husband, I have decided that I will share my story here, at least a bit of it. It is nothing thrilling or overly tragic, but it is my story. And there are days that I get tired of carrying it on my shoulders, holding it like it is a secret I must keep. So I will share it. But not today. Soon though.

Today I simply want to think of all the ways I will better myself in this coming new year. To think about the people I will love better. To plan the ways I will laugh harder and smile more often. And of course, of all the amazing photos I will take along the way.

December 22, 2008

Double Dog Dare ‘Ya

I suspect that in most places in the country today, if I double dog dared you to put your tongue to the flag pole…you would be super stuck. Baby, it's cold outside.

I am still in Georgia, and decided today to head out for a little drive. We woke up to winter weather! woo! Twelve degrees people [yes, I know that for some of you, that sounds toasty right about now…but for little ole me….brrrrrrr! I LOVE IT!]. I knew it was cold….but while driving I was still shocked to see icicles on the rocks on the side of the road. The photographer in me had to pull over. And I did. What the photographer in me didn't think about was that it was cold out there. duh. My hands were shivering, which made making camera adjustments, let alone just depressing the shutter, difficult. the photo taking did not last long. But I saw icicles dammit! NOW I feel wintery!

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December 21, 2008

Georgian Brrrrr

I'm cold. I love cold. Ok…compared to some of my northern friends (ahem, Chelsey!) this is a beautiful day, but for this Floridian girl, 40 degrees is chilly. And did I mention I love it? Well, I do. I luuuuurve it! I like when my cheeks burn, when my breath fogs the air, when I need to wear a fuzzy hooded jacket 🙂

We have one more day before we leave. boo. I am hoping that tomorrow will bring a brief photo adventure. I absolutely adore the run down buildings and barns and shacks that this area has to offer. I tend to be a chicken photographer that is not comfortable with shooting other people's property without their knowledge…but every time we come here, I look at these buildings, I drool, I don't shoot them, and then I whine about it after. Every time. So tomorrow is my last chance, and I am hoping that I will be feeling brave 🙂

In the meantime, we did get to go on a wonderfully chilly walk through the doggy park this morning. This place has the BEST dog park, one that certainly makes me quite envious and one that the girls really seem to enjoy.

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and for good measure, because he did not cooperate, my daddy-o in all his un-cooperative glory…

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yeah, that's RIGHT dad! I posted it. ha ha neener neener. maybe next time you will cooperate. just sayin'

December 17, 2008

giggle

My friend Jodi posted this on her blog, and it made me bust out laughing, so I of course had to share.

the reason this cracks me up, other than the fact that it really is hilrious, is that it rings quite true! Boys are so very dramatic…and so I never believe mine when he says he is hurting. And so I maybeprobablymostlikely have been calling him a puss about his "hurting" knee. He had a doctor's appointment today, and they think he may have a torn meniscus*. We just got back from an MRI, so we will know for sure soon enough. oops. soory hubby!

* can I just give myself props for a moment and say woo! my medical transcription training still works, I SO spelled that right without having to look it up 🙂

December 16, 2008

Pups

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I figure it has been a while since I have actually posted any pics, so here we are. A couple trouble-making puggles. An impromptu photo shoot. A beautiful day.

I am in a photo rut. Otherwise known as "I don't want to take pictures of an.y.thing". Hubby, awesome guy that he is, has recruited his friends to hunt down and capture bugs. He is trying to entice me with the creepy crawlies. He came home with bugs over the weekend…and we let them go. What? Bugs? No pictures? I know! It is tragic. We are preparing for a trip up to northern Georgia to see my dad, and I am hoping that the change in scenery will get my creative juices flowing again.

December 15, 2008

Did You Know?

I hate the sound of guitar solos. HATE THEM! Some people have issues with nails on a chalkboard, that is how I feel about guitar solos.

when I eat Skittles, I cannot eat them absent-mindedly. I have to combine colors to get the yummiest possible taste…red and orange being my favorite combo. Taste the rainbow.

I need to sleep with something tucked in my arm- a blanket, a pillow, it doesn't matter.

I cannot do the dishes without getting VERY wet. It never fails.

when I get nervous, I smell my hair. I am very aware that this is odd 🙂

I hate talking on the telephone. I am a phone-phobe.

I am always listening to music.

I cannot go to bed with dirty feet.

I cry when I get scared or angry.

I am known to be an incredible klutz.

I absolutely positively love watching horror movies.

I sing a lot. I cannot sing. At all.

I am unable to keep my kitchen table free of clutter.

I am a sucker for elderly men. I want to hug them all.

Every time I have fished with my husband, I outfished him. I am no longer invited to fish with my husband.

I shake presents.

I cannot lie. I try…the truth spills out 2.5 seconds after I have told the lie.

I love photographing bugs.

I am scared of bugs.

When I don't have anything to write about, I enjoy boring my readers with ridiulously random facts about myself.

December 12, 2008

Get the Point

A fellow photographer posted this video, and I was compelled to share. I think that whether or not you are religious, this video should remind us all of how the season should be celebrated.

December 9, 2008

50 things

So, someone said that perhaps I should allow the blog to step out of the dark side for a bit. I have been a bit gloomy, huh? So I saw that someone posted this on their Facebook page (because that is right people, my addictive personality loooooves FB) and I thought this would be a fun breath of fresh air. And plus- I have had nothing fun to write about, so this is a cheat post 🙂
 
50 ODD things about you!

1. Do you like cheese?
I love cheese. String cheese, shredded cheese, a yummy slice of provolone….

2. Have you ever smoked heroin?
Not that I can recall.

3. Do you own a gun?
I don't. Hubster does.

4. Do you like listening to Christmas music?
I am ridiculously in love with Christmas music. As soon as I can find it on the radio, I am playing it.

5. Do you get nervous before doctor appointments?
I get nervous before anything!

6. What do you think of hot dogs?
II think that I love them and hope that no one EVER tells me what they are actually made of.

7. Favorite Christmas song?
I can't pick just one- Jingle Bell Rock, Baby It's Cold Outside, and I'm Dreaming of a White Christmas.

8. What do you prefer to drink in the morning?
A Starbucks frappuccino coffee flavor. I have been trying to convince myself I can do without them, because they are expensive…..but it hasn't happened yet.

9. Can you do push ups?
I used to do a ton a day…now I am fluffy and out of shape.

10. Who is your favorite Days of our Lives Character?
I've never watched Days of our Lives.

11. What's your favorite piece of jewelry?
I have two favorites- my turtle necklace and my ring that belonged to my grandmother.

12. Favorite hobby?
Photography

13. Secret weapon to get the opposite sex?
I've got nothing! lol! Maybe this is why I had a problem dating?!

14. Do you have A.D.D.?
What were we talking about?

15. What one trait do you hate about yourself?
Just one? In case you haven't noticed, I have issues narrowing things down- hey, can that be one? I hate my insecurities, and I hate my temper.

16. Middle Name?
Anna

17. Name 3 thoughts at this exact moment?
Why can't I hear my radio? Do I share to much crap on my blog? I am hungry.

18. Name 3 things you bought yesterday?
A Dave song to download, and ummmmm, two dave cds. No, I do NOT have a problem.

19. Name 3 drinks you regularly drink?

Water (figi yuuuuuum) Frappuccino and decaf tea.

20. Current worry right now?
Well, I am stepping out of the dark place today, so I am not telling.

21. Current hate?
Snowbirds that have no idea how to drive.

22. Favorite place to be?
In nature.

23. How did you bring in the New Year?
Sleeping. I am so lame.

24. Where would you like to go?
Costa Rica.

25. Name three people who will complete this?
well, since this is a blog entry, no one but moi.

26. Do you own flip flops?
I live in Florida, of course I have flip flops. My toes get scared when I cram them into shoes.

27. What shirt are you wearing?
A white shirt that reveals too much boobs. (I forget that they are there, what can I say?)
28. Do you like sleeping on satin sheets?
Absolutely not…creepy.

29. Can you whistle?
I was just discussing this today…I would like to learn so that I can wolf whistle at the man that jogs in the neighborhood (don't worry, hubster knows allllll about it!)

30. Favorite color?
pink, though I am incredibly drawn to blue.

31. Would you be a pirate?
a pirate today? or a johnny depp pirate? a today pirate- no. a johnny depp pirate- yes.

32. What songs do you sing in the shower?
I don't sing in the shower, I think. Deep thoughts. I sing everywhere else. Annoyingly too. I sing that I am making a sandwich. I sing that I am sweeping the floors…..
33. Favorite girl's name?
Edna -yeah, I know.
34. Favorite boy's name?
I've got nothing here. How about Koda, since he is my boy?

35. What's in your pocket right now?
I could tell you….but then I would most certainly have to kill you.

36. Last thing that made you laugh?
The silly construction worker that was checking me out.

37. Best bed sheets as a child?
I cannot remember PEOPLE from my past, let alone sheet sets!

38. Worst injury you've ever had?
When I dislocated my knee. I am sort of embarssed at how much I screamed.

39. Do you love where you live?
I absolutely, positively HATE where I live and would move tomorrow if I could.

40. How many TVs do you have in your house?

2- one in the living room, one in the spare room.
41. Who is your loudest friend?
Well, that depends. April once got incredibly loud with drive-by barking. Does that count?

42. How many dogs do you have?
3- a pug, a maltese, and a lhasa apso.

43. Does someone have a crush on you?
I highly doubt it.

45. What is your favorite book?
The Tibetan Book of Living and Dying.

46. What is your favorite candy?
yuuuuum, I LOVE candy! maple sugar candy would have to be way up on the list! I love Rocher chocolates. I just got a butt load of maple hard candies that are de-li-cious!

47. Do you know all the words to the Fresh Prince theme song?
Not off the top of my head…but I fear I could probably sing along if it was playing.

48. What song do you want played at your funeral?
How about Another One Bites The Dust?

49. What were you doing 12 AM last night?
Sleeping.

50. What was the first thing you thought of when you woke up?
Not yet.

December 9, 2008

Fun Photo Site

http://www.viscom.ohiou.edu/d2d08/index.html

I just saw this through a email newsletter that I get, and thought I would share. I think this is a fun concept, and it was fun to see how this town spends it's day.

December 8, 2008

These Are The Days

Lately the word melancholy has been making it's rounds in my head. It randomly pops up, and I think, yup, I am melancholy. And then I realized….am I? because well, I am not sure that I actually know what melancholy means. So to trusty mr. webster I went, and this is what he told me;

Melancholy 

hmmmm, sadness; depression? I don't feel sad or depressed. Pensive refelction? BINGO!!! (and for the record…I SO looked up pensive too—- deeply, often wistfully or dreamily thoughtful—hey, you can never be too sure right?). And so the word that has been taunting me now makes sense.

I feel connected to this word. I currently embody this word. I feel lost in my thoughts lately.

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* yeah, I know this photo seems so randomly placed here with my deep thoughts 🙂 but really, it isn't. I see this image, and I see the word melancholy. I know you probably don't, but I do. I snapped this shot while trapped in a moment of deep thought. I was feeling a bit sad. I was getting some fresh air and trying not to think. and yeah, I was rocking my granpa socks all the while.

There are days that I wonder what I started. I wonder if I have made some sort of mistake. I wonder if I am doing the right thing.

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There are days I am overwhelmed with being sad and scared. Of being frustrated with myself. There are days that I wonder with all of my heart why I decided to start this journey of digging up my past. I wonder why I am not strong enough to just let things go without them wreaking havoc on my heart. There are days that I wonder why I was not smarter to let these demons out a long long time ago.

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There are days when I wonder what is around the next corner.

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There are days when I wish that I could just hold my head up high, instead of feeling so very weighed down. Days when I get trapped in a broken record of negative thinking. Days when I want to forget everything, and go back to how things were.

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and then I remember, I am strong. I am doing the right thing. I am purging my demons. I am releasing my pain. I am letting go.

I am learning about myself. I am allowing myself to become a better person. I am getting back to me. I am living again. I am getting out the things that have held me down for too terribly long, so that I can lead the life I was meant to live, not one that took far too much effort to simply get through the day.

I am stuggling through this process. There are days I am incredibly tired. Drained. Days when I cannot shut my mind off, and other days when my mind seems to not want to turn on. I have days where I come up with the most delightful reasons why I should not go to therapy….and yet still end up going. Why? Because it is hard….but in the end, I know it is far easier than what I would have to go through if I did not go. So I go. And cry. and curse. and occasionally stomp my feet. but every now and then…I also laugh. So I go.

So there you go…some pensive reflection for you.