Archive for February, 2009

February 28, 2009

lost & found

the problem with being a photographer? you take a LOT of photos. and generally speaking, you have really good intentions to edit them. really, you do. but then life gets the best of you, and photos, lots of them, go mia. they get trapped with the dustbunnies in the corners of your computers files. waiting. and waiting. and yeah, waiting some more.

I am trying to fix this issue, because it seems to be quite a big one for me. and so today I spent a few hours cleaning up my external harddrive. it seems I had quite the system for logically storing my files. and by logically I mean there was absolutely no logic whatsoever in the system. so today was virtual cleaning day….and those kinds of days always pay off in the end because you score photos that you totally forgot you had taken.

I was excited to find these…I had bought a new chair at Marshall's and was eager to see what kind of modeling skills it had, and what better way to do that than to torment my pups in the process? the chair was lacking in skills and the pups were lacking in excitement.



more to come*

*I need to stretch this out…it gives me a reason to blog 🙂 I'm a cheater, I know!

February 27, 2009

february sp

I am slacking….but since we are still in february, even if it is just barely, I cannot be accused of missing a month of my self-imposed monthly self-portraits. I think I need to find a theme for each month…something, because I hate sp's as it is, and this project is already boring to me lol.

So technically, I took these at the very end of january…I am not sure if that means I cheated, but I figure that since I am making up the rules, I will take it upon myself to say, no, that is not cheating.


1-23-09 sp-50-WEB 

1-23-09 sp-26-WEB 

and no, my hair is not really that color, the editing I used decided to dye my hair for me….which is sort of annoying, because I spent a lot of money trying to get a color very similar to that, and here I find all I had to do was use Lightroom and voila! the color is mine.

February 20, 2009

| ummmm, hi? |

I've been missing in action. I know. and I am sorry. really, I am. My world threw me a curveball this month which sent me spiralling into a big, deep black abyss otherwise known as depression.

sigh. I hate deeling with emotions, I really do. But my avoidance has backfired on my butt, and so here I sit, paying the price. I realized a while back that I was mildly depressed. I was annoyed by it and tried to ignore it. But I was frustrated because though it was not life-altering, it was still an annoyance in that it stole away one of my biggest loves- photography. I take an anti-depressant. I have for ages. Obviously, it wasn't working. I went to my doctor, we discussed my options, and decided to change medication. Yay, I thought. I thought wrong. All seemed fine at first. Great even. I had good energy- not the creepy I-have-a-chemical-coursing-through-my-blood kind of energy, but just normal person energy. I was feeling hopeful.

And then I experienced a surprise. Did you know that one side-effect of anti-depressants can be depression? for real. And not just your garden variety ho-hum depression but sweet-jesus-I-am-miserable-life-sucks-is-there-a-train-I-can-throw-myself-in-front-of depression? yeah…that would be where I have been for the past few weeks. But fear not…my sitting here and writing this proves that I did not, in fact, throw myself in front of a train 🙂 yay me. As soon as I realized that this went beyond feeling bad to downright scary, I called my doctor immediately, off the medication I went, and within two days the feelings lifted and I am back to "normal". phew! So I apologize for disappearing. But trust me, I would not have been pleasant company. So there you go. I was gone. I'm back. hi.

I have sucked at posting pictures….so I thought I would make up for that and share some run-down fun from my trip up to Georgia a couple of months ago. I love run down. I would rather look at run down and dirty than gorgeous and pristine. To me, run down IS gorgeous.


February 5, 2009

| random |

I have been wallowing around in a dark little cloud lately, and suddenly realized that I have severly neglected the blog. The thing is, when you have made yourself comfortable within a dark little cloud, there is really nothing interesting to write about, because well, you have been busy wallowing. The bright side is that the cloud is lifting, the fog is less thick and I suspect it will disappear completely soon. But in the meantime, what the heck do I write about?

I decided that I would borrow from the FaceBook trend, and post 25 random things about myself. *I know, not very creative, but deal with it! Now, as you probably already know, I am a bit too open of a book, so I share a LOT. So I am going to attempt to actually share 25 random things that I have never shared before…let's see how I do.

1. I am convinced that the house I grew up in is haunted. You cannot convince me otherwise.
2. I am a dangerous cook. I have melted spatulas. I have exploded a casserole dish two feet away from my face. I have caught Ramen noodles on fire- I know! I didn't know they were flammable either.
3. I used to dream about being a fashion designer. Which is humorous, because I honestly have no fashion sense. But I am strongly attracted to fashion. I get excited when Vogue arrives in my mailbox and I have a secret fantasy of being a fashion photographer.
4. I smell my hair when I am anxious/nervous/stressed. I know…weird.
5. I collect Buddha statues.
6. I grind my teeth. Severly. I have broken many teeth with this horrendous habit. Yes, I have a mouthguard, otherwise known as the thousand dollar paperweight (really). I hate it and can't/won't wear it…since I can't grind my teeth with it in, I clench my jaw and crunch my teeth together, so I still hurt in the morning. And I clench my jaw throughout the day as well. I have lots of headaches. I have a very expensive mouth.
7. I wish I could afford to have my jaw broken to resolve my issues in #6. I have begged my dentist to just punch me very hard…he will not do it. dammit.
8. Keeping with the dental theme…I went to Costa Rica to get lots of dental work done. I have never received the same level of treatment here in the US that I received in CR.
9. I have a very addictive personality. I hate it, but recognize it.
10. When I was little, I apparently saw the world in doubles. A school nurse caught it, and voila! Now I see just fine.
11. When I swim, I am the happiest I can possibly be. I forget about everything bad and just feel the water. I am a Pisces through and through- water rules my world and well being.
12. I used to think I was going to live in Boston. Strange, because the older I get, the more sure I am that I am definitely a small town girl.
13. I went to college right outside of Boston for one whole semester. Worst college ever. I dropped out. Moved to Florida. Went to community college…and never finshed. SO CLOSE to finishing, and I gave up. I still kick myself for that.
14. I have a quick temper. I am working on it. A lot. I'm getting better at it.
15. My two favorite bands are The Dave Matthews Band and Tool. They are both equally my favorite because they are both so different from each other it is not even possible to compare them, so they both hold the spot of #1.
16. Music is my everything. It is always in the background of my life. I can hear specific music, and immediately be taken back; Alanis Morrissett = high school, driving my car along back roads in the winter, the light shining through the bare trees. Nine Inch Nails = a very sad, confusing time in my life that I do not like to think about much. Rocco Deluca & the Burden = the biggest heartbreak I never knew I was capable of causing. Mana = perfect days in Costa Rica.
17. I am a water snob. I rarely drink anything other than water, so I have aquired a taste for it. I hate dirty tasting water. I LOVE Fiji water and Publix brand spring water. I can't stand most other brands.
18. I count things*. It comforts me. I have counted for as long as I can remember. (*yes, I have OCD, mostly suffering from obsessive thoughts).
19. I have a weakness for beauty products. I am a shampoo whore. there, I said it. But I think I am recovering…I have discovered WEN, and start twitiching when I run out. My search for perfect hair product may just be over 🙂
20. I am supposed to wear glasses. I don't. I have worn them since kindergarden, and stopped when I was in high school. I also have dry eyes and am supposed to use artifical tears four times a day. I think my doctor is lying.
21. I weighed a whopping 97 pounds all through high school. I never once thought about my weight- whether to appreciate my smallness, or to think I was too skinny. I was simply not body conscience whatsoever. I am now far too conscience of my body. I hate that.
22. I had a six pack once. sigh. I used to do sit ups and push ups because they made me feel good, not because I had to. Sick, isn't it? Now that I have to do it, I don't want to. though I sure do miss that tummy.
23. I cry at the wrong times. I have mastered the skill of bottling up my emotions (healthy, I know), so now I cry at stupid inappropriate times, like when I am mad (frustrating! how can you look angry when you are crying?!). I blame this on overactive tear ducts 🙂 see the lying doctor in #20.
24. I *think* that I truly believe that one day I will be successful with my photography. I *think*. I have a difficult time with that kind of thinking.
25. I am over-sensitive and hate it. I allow things to bother me to a degree that is not healthy. I struggle to find a purpose in why I am this sensitive.

Ok, seriously? That was hard. This took me all day to complete! phew!