Archive for February, 2013

February 18, 2013

passage of time

Moving on, is a simple thing,
what it leaves behind is hard.
Dave Mustaine

On this morning two years ago I awoke and, as I did every morning, reached above my head to pet my sweet pug, who loved to claim my pillow as her own. On this morning two years ago, I knew that this would be the last time that, when I reached for her, she would actually be there. This was the last day of a week of spoiling a pug rotten, knowing that her end was here. This was the morning that we would take her for her last car ride. That I would do the thing I wanted more than anything not to do, but also the thing that I knew would be the least selfish thing I would ever do in my life.

Because the selfish me? She wanted to never let go. I have known goodbyes. Goodbyes that I have had time to say, and goodbyes that were stolen from me before I had a chance to speak. I don’t get along well with goodbyes. And this goodbye…this goodbye was bound to break me. Into millions of pieces. I am difficult to love, and I have a difficult time loving back. But with this one sweet dog, love was never difficult. She taught me so very much. Maybe if you are not a dog person you cannot understand this. And if that is the case, well, I feel sorry for you.

This one creature that randomly found her way into our home change my life, and me, in uncountable ways. I never knew I was capable of caring for, and loving, something as much as I did her. For the first time in my life I truly understood what unconditional love meant. This dog became my heart. And when I said goodbye to her, she most certainly took a piece of it with her. But I had to let her go. It wasn’t fair of me to try to keep her with me, simply because I could not let her go. I had to love her enough to say goodbye. And so I said goodbye.

I am not sure when I stopped reaching above my head, searching for her in my sleep. There are still mornings I catch myself reaching.

 

one last snapshot before we left to say goodbye…one of my favorites

Punky | Black Pug | SW Florida Photography

Her greatest joy in life was to ride in the car…best co-pilot around!

Punky | Black Pug | SW Florida Photography

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