Setting Sea on an Ocean of Doubt…

If you could translate all the things I have recently been feeling into the face of a pug, this is the face that you would see.

It has been a strange time for me, a girl that runs like the wind in the opposite direction of change, as I face all sorts of changes. When I was younger I got in a huge argument with change. Things may have turned physical. There was hair pulling and shin kicking, and I may have even fought a little dirty and handed out the stealthy move of the “pinch and twist” to the back of the arm. Obviously, after doling out such a shady move as that, I promptly ran. And never looked back.

I know that no one likes change. But I don’t just not like it. It makes me itchy. A little twitchy. It steals my breath and inturrupts my regularly beating heart and replaces it with a chest full of butterflies. It makes me lose focus and question everything and see nothing but the bad outcomes. I want to move out of town and change my phone number so that change can never find me again.

I am looking at all sorts of changes. Big changes. Little changes. Changes as recent as yesterday, some as soon as Monday, and some further down the road. Change is change. I want to tell it to piss off, go bother someone else. But I am trying to just take a deep breath and take it all in. Because I know it is going nowhere. I suspect it is going to be my constant companion for a bit, so I guess I better get to know it. Maybe take it out to dinner. Find out what it’s favorite color is, when it’s birthday is, what it likes to eat.

I am a pro at just closing my eyes, choosing not to see what is right in front of me. I loooooove building walls, as anyone that knows me well can attest to. But that isn’t really going to get me anywhere, now is it? So I may wear a weary face like little miss pug up there, but hopefully I will be¬†breathing a little easier soon. Hopefully me and change will get to know each other a little better and we will be surspised to find that we are really quite compatible.


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