these are the things I miss…

Give sorrow words; the grief that does not speak whispers the o’er-fraught heart and bids it break.  ~William Shakespeare

In one week’s time I am utterly amazed at the level of loss I am feeling. The number of little, itty bitty things that I miss is mind-numbing and heart breaking.

I miss finding you at my feet while I am in the kitchen. I miss the guarantee of a pug hug every. single. morning. I miss the little black hairs coating my clothing. protecting your food from the other dogs. listening to you bark in delight after your ear cleanings with the knowledge that a treat is on its way. cleaning your wrinkles. keeping an eye on you in the backyard. the sound of your big clunky feet dragging across the floor. reaching down to pet you while eating breakfast. reaching up to pet you as you sleep above my head on your pillow. slowly waking you up at ungodly hours before work. watching your ears flap in the wind on your car rides. wrestling you to stay in place while I brush you. threatening to eat you up like a cupcake. our daily rituals of ear cleanings and eye salves. the weight of you next to me on the couch. the silly sound of your deaf dog bark. the silhouette of you waiting in the window when I get home from work. your snuffling puggy sounds and drunken sailor snoring. the way I constantly said your name(s) to you, knowing you would never hear any of my loving nicknames. cleaning apple bits off your face. singing Booger Face to you, Lady Gaga-style. watching you wiggle your smooshy face back and forth until your chin settled onto the top of your paws just so. getting frustrated that you kiss everyone in the world- except me. rubbing your perfect little ears. you waiting ever so patiently for me to swoop you up from off the couch. giving you sneak attack kisses on your little nose.

I miss the simple comfort of your presence.

I miss holding you and protecting you and caring for you and, more than anything, I miss you always being by my side.


The photo above is courtesy of Emilee Fuss Photography. After realizing I had no portraits with my girl, I frantically contacted photographer friend Emilee and two days before I had to say goodbye to my precious pugcake we met up on Boca Grande where she captured my love for a very special pug. There were two shots that I had in my mind, that I desperately wanted. She got them both. The pug hug, and the doodle-bug by my feet, which you see above.  I cherish the images she captured ♥ They remind me of a wonderful day. I took the day off from work. I spent the day lounging around with Doodle. She got to take a wonderful car ride to the island in the evening. And then she stunned us both. She BROUGHT IT. When I contacted Emilee, I warned her to not expect too much from Punky. She is completely deaf. Can barely see. Does terrible in unfamiliar places. I knew she would be limited. And then I set her down to walk the sidewalk. And she walked with more confidence than I have seen in a looooong time. I unleashed her in the little park, and off she went, exploring the smells. She gave perky ears and alert eyes and in turn gave me a wonderful memory of that evening. She did so well that on our slow walk back to the car I decided to take her around the block, head to the beach and sit down with her on my lap where we watched the last bits of sun go into the water. The photos, the memories, ending everything with my pug being in good spirits and big in confidence~ it was the best decision I made, having these photos taken.

You can see all of the photos HERE.

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One Comment to “these are the things I miss…”

  1. This post makes me well up to say the least. I can’t say that I have known anyone to love a dog the way you love Punky. To say that your pups are your children is an understatement. I’m so sorry you have had to say good bye to her…another understatement. I hope you know you gave her the best life a Doodle Bug could have, with the utmost amount of love and affection. You were her salvation. You were the one that was able to take her from the dirty, sad life she was living and turn it into a wonderful ending to a great pug story. I hope you know she loved you as much as you love her. I hope that every day gets a little easier, that tears turn into smiles and laughs remembering your life together. It hurts to see you hurt. I love you so very much. ❤

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