better late than never….hello 2011

I wrote the typical “welcome the new year” post 100 times. And I deleted it 100 times.

In all honesty, I don’t much care at the moment. Depressing way to start a new year, huh?! But it’s the truth. I had a pretty good year. I have some amazing memories to take away from it. But the moment my friend was taken from this earth on December 18th, none of it really mattered all that much anymore. Don’t get me wrong- the memories? They are awesome. But to sit here and talk about them and gush over it all…well, I just can’t do it right now.

Yesterday, I was fortunate to be a part of something special. Yesterday, I watched as my friend was laid to rest where he was at his happiest- on the water. I am not quite sure what I was expecting- I have never attended this kind of memorial before.  And even if I had some experience to pull from, I suspect it still would not have matched the experience I had yesterday. I said my final goodbye to my friend Angel. It was far harder than I expected. I don’t do well with goodbyes. And so I have had a difficult time tying up these loose ends of 2010, what with the loose ends being the act of accepting that I am not allowed to say see you later this time around. Goodbye Angel.

And this is how I say hello 2011. See, 2010 ended on a note that made me face a couple of things that I am not a fan of. By facing these things, I have opted to say hello to this new year in a way I have never said hello before. Nonchalantly. Casually. Even carelessly. Usually, a new year is a bit if a big deal for me. Major changes right around the corner. Improvements and upgrades and do-overs. Not this year. This year I am simplifying things.

This year I intend to do one thing- nothing. I do not intend to force the newness on myself. I will not force the expectation of change. I simply want to be. My one big goal for the year? To appreciate the now. I struggle with this. A LOT. That song that was playing when I last saw Angel? It has the ability to stop me in my tracks and make me cry at the drop of the hat. Because it slaps me in the face with the fact that I let my life pass me by because I am too worried about time. I don’t appreciate what I have, because there could be more. I watched my friend blend into the ocean yesterday morning, and I realized there could be more. Just not the more I was always looking for.

So hello 2011. With no expectations. With no anticipation. Hello 2011.


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