Origins

New_hampshire_map

My origins are pretty simple- I'm from New Hampshire. I spent years cursing that simple fact. I always knew that I would leave. I thought that there was so much more for me than what I could get in simple NH. I thought that NH offered nothing (which is really a pretty bold statement, looking back lol). So I got out. And it took me a looooooong time to look back.

11-09NH-6-WEB

Sure, I returned for brief visits. But I never actually felt present on those trips. When I looked at NH, I saw the past. I saw trauma. I saw drama. In my mind, the exact moment that I boarded a plane to go to New Hampshire was the exact moment that I had to resume being the sister of a brother who commited suicide. Because, in my town, that was who I was. I did not want to be that girl. Moving away meant removing that person from my life. NO ONE had to know, unless I chose to tell them. Sadly, you don't get quite the same luxery when living in small town New England. So that was who I was. And that was why I dreaded returning. It refreshed in me all the drama from my past. All my issues, real and imagined.

And then, something shifted. I started realizing that I had the power to shed the stigma. What I went through was not WHO I was. And while I still occasionally realize that in the eyes of some, I will always be the sister of the kid that killed himself, I am alright with that. 

By moving on, and looking forward instead of into the past, I am finally able to appreciate this beautiful place that I orignate from. I find that with each visit I am more and more amazed at the natural beauty. 

11-09NH-12-WEB

I am blown away by this gorgeous state. I love it more than I knew I was capable of. I would like to bottle it up and take it out on occasion, and just reside in it's awesomeness for a bit šŸ™‚
  

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One Comment to “Origins”

  1. An absolutely beautiful reflection of your life in New England.
    LY
    B

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