A Long Road

I love seeing progress of any kind. It is so easy to get caught in ruts, and forget that while we may be feeling stagnant, we still need to appreciate the road we have been on. No surprise here- I am in a total photographic rut. I am in a frustrating place where I doubt every ounce of my talent. Actually, I doubt I have talent. Disclaimer- I do not say that to invite you to my pity party or to elict a response for you to tell me I *do* have talent. I am just stating that that is where my mind currently resides- in a place of ick. Most days I haaaaaate my camera with a passion. I hate that I ever picked it up. Because if I never developed this passion, I would not be stuck hating that I lost that passion. Blah. <– that sums it up 🙂 But enough whining. If I keep this up, I will drive my three blog readers away! lol.

I am still getting my external harddrive organized. I know, I know. It seems like I have been saying that for a looooooong time. Actually, I have been saying it for a long time. It is a chore I am awesomely talented in avoiding. But I have exciting news….I can FINALLY say I can see the end of the tunnel! Woo! And while getting closer and closer to the bottom of the barrel, I am finding photos from when I first got my digital slr. I see these photos and say awwwwww! I was so cute with how great I thought these photos were!

Case in point:

PB100029-web

I thought this shot was so fantastical. Like, blow my mind, give me a blue ribbon right now a-MA-zing!

And then I took this one about nine months later…and thought WOW! Look at my progression!

P7221765-web

Now, technicall, this is not horrid. And I HAD progressed and was finally shooting manually, which was such a proud moment for me. But blue-ribbon worthy? I think not!

And then I look at what I am doing today,

3-09-08-5-4-WEB

I have travelled a long road, and I need to allow myself to bask in that. I need to pat myself on the back. I still have a very long way to go, and hope I never reach the finish line, because if that day comes, the fun stops. The challenge stops. I still rember the day I got my macro lens *otherwise known as my baby and the lens that is on my camera 95% of the time* and I cried. Yes folks, I cried. I was SO frustrated with the lens and with knowing exactly what I wanted to produce with it, and not knowing how. I struggled with that lens and thought that I had just wasted a nice chunk of money on a lens I was not smart enough to conquer. And then, I conquered it. I fell in love with it. That lens, the lens that made me so upset, is what opened my eyes to the world around me. To the details in our world that we usually pass right by. That lens is what made me realize that this thing is more than just a hobby. It is more than just a way to make money. It is an extension of who I am. I need to stop denying that. I need to stop ignoring that. Photography is simply a part of me. Whether I make a business out of it, or allow it to stay in the background of my life, I am a photographer. A large part of who I am would be missing and incomplete if I did not have a camera as an extension of my heart.

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One Comment to “A Long Road”

  1. you’re so right; you totally have come a long way! also, i think EVERYONE goes through what you’re going through. i definitely look at other photographer’s websites sometimes and think, ‘god i’ll never be that good.’ that comparison game is a dangerous one! i’ve learned i have to just find my own rhythm and allow myself to be inspired by other people without becoming frustrated by feeling like i’m inadequate. so keep hacking away at it; i think you’re doing a fab job!

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