Phew! It’s Over. It’s Finally OVER!

In case you didn't notice from all of my woe is me posts this year….I am thrilled that this year is finally done with. gone. over. see ya later alligator.

I have always loved the idea of New Year's. A fresh start, a time to re-do, re-vamp, to get a do-over. Which, when you really think about it, doesn't make a whole lot of sense. Is the 1st of January really any different from the 31st of December? It is just the next day. There is really no difference. There is no monumental thing that happens that makes that day any better/more special than the previous one. And yet, it is more special for me. It allows me a day to think that I can change it all. make things better. be a better person. get healthier. more organized. take better care of myself. love harder. stop holding grudges. spend less. you get the idea. It is the prospect of being better. I love that and all that it represents.

This year has been a tough one. Probably one of my toughest to date. I have had incredible internal struggles that I never expected to face. I had a past that crept up on me and forced me to deal with things I would rather ignore. And I ignored all these things for so long, that when they finally made their appearance, they nearly destoyed my happy little life that I thought I was leading. I broke my husband's heart. I broke my own. I took my little family on an emotional roller coaster that I never wanted to ride on, and seemed never-ending. We are still trapped on that ride, but the thing is, I can see the end. I see the exit sign. And I know that 2009 is the year for ME. 2009 is the year that I get myself back. that I get off this hellish ride and start to live again. to love again. to just simply be. I look forward to it.

It has been quite the journey. And you have all continued to come back, even when this blog took a darker turn, you came back. You have given me words of encouragement that I never expected and never want to forget. I thank every one of my readers for sticking around…it means a lot to me. I know that I have been vague and elusive about all that I have been going through, and I thank you for being patient and respecting that. After much thought and discussions with my husband, I have decided that I will share my story here, at least a bit of it. It is nothing thrilling or overly tragic, but it is my story. And there are days that I get tired of carrying it on my shoulders, holding it like it is a secret I must keep. So I will share it. But not today. Soon though.

Today I simply want to think of all the ways I will better myself in this coming new year. To think about the people I will love better. To plan the ways I will laugh harder and smile more often. And of course, of all the amazing photos I will take along the way.


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