There Are Days When


this is how I feel. There are days when I just want to scream until I can no longer make any noise.

Sometimes I wonder. I wonder what I did that was so terrible that karma feels it is necessary to subject me to this office building (aka my own personal hell) four days a week. What did I do to deserve this??? When I was little, I made my friend put a piece of bologna on her head. Was that it? Is it because I laugh when people fall? Maybe it is because I have a tendancy to sneak up on my husband and punch him in the arm? I had to do something to deserve this hellish experience.

My senses are on constant assault for eight hours, Monday through Thursday. I have contemplated just buying a gas mask, and making it the hottest new accessory. There is perfume. So much perfume. And candles! Well, actually, it is just one candle, and it is pushing me over the edge people. It is some warped version of lilac. It is most certainly not Yankee Candle yummy. Oh no. This is much more along the lines of smelling like floral scented Raid.

And then there are the noises. This building seems to be heavily populated by women that have been smoking from the very first moment that they exited their mother's wombs. There is a flood of emphysema coughs that starts every day. There are days that I am concerned that at any moment the walls will come crashing down from the sheer force behind these coughs. And then there is just teh plain old rude people. You know, the loud talkers. The door slammers. And I get that we all have our off days, and forget to talk quietly. Or when we forget that our mothers taught us to never, ever slam doors. But this is every day. All day.

Why don't I just shut my door? Funny you should ask. Remember I said that this is my own personal hell? What is hell without heat? It is freaking hot in here. Every UPS driver that enters this little cracker box feels it is necessary to crack a joke about the temperature. UPS guys- it's not funny! I have a system of fans set up that are very precisely placed to blow smells out, and suck cold air in, and cool my ass down. I have threatened to bring in a kiddie pool to put under my desk to keep the toes nice and chilled. I am always craving a drink out of a coconut shell.

So I just want to say- I hate this office!

Katie- I am so sorry I forced you to put that bologna on your pretty little head. All you fallers….I am sorry that I laughed, I will try to not do that anymore. And hubster? Well…I can't promise I will stop being a crazy sneaky ninja, sorry.


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