Archive for September 17th, 2008

September 17, 2008

A Page in the Book….

Sometimes I struggle with this blog. I struggle with whether I should seperate the business from the personal. I go back and forth on this issue a lot, and in the end, I always come back to wanting to keep the personal side mixed in, because really? I am a too-much-information kind of girl. I always have been, and probably always will. I want my clients, and whoever else reads this, to feel like they know me, or at least know a small part of me.

The thing is, I have been keeping this silly little secret, and it has been driving me nuts. As I said, I am generally a too-much-information girl….I will tell you if I have to pee, if I have gas, I will tell you that I love listening to Christina Aguilara (I know, I should stop telling people that one, right?!). I will openly share that I am scared of the dark, that I have an irrational fear of clowns. that I love my antidepressant. I am a pretty open book.

One of the things that I am incredibly open about is the fact that I go to marriage counseling….and love it. I will share this with anyone who will listen. the lady standing behind me at the grocery store. the receptionist at my dentist office. really, I could care less who knows, because I am absolutly in love with the process and think that every couple should do it. It has done absolutely amazing things for me and my marriage. So here is the thing. I will carry banners saying I go to marriage counseling…but I am terrified to share with people that I. Me. Just Me. go to therapy. I am embarassed by it. I know that is silly. But there you have it.

I go to therapy. Every week. I lovingly call it Therapy Thursday, because I go every Thursday, whether I want to or not…and believe me, I usually don't want to. Just me. Little ole me. and my kick ass therapist. Yeah, I have to give her props, because the reason I go to therapy. alone. every week. is because I have crap I have to deal with. Deep crap that I haven't dealt with in over a decade. I am not such an open book that I will share with you what that stuff is, because it is mine. and it hurts. I suffer from it immensly, and in ways that I never expected, and finally after it started ripping holes into my little life, I decided to take a step I have always said I would never take, and I called my therapist and said the words she had been waiting over two years for me to say…I need to come in alone. It is time to do this.

And so I go. Every week. and I am better for it. I am becoming a person that I have not had time to properly tend to until now. It is hard. and weird. and there are times I get really tired of the process and the pain that it causes. I am tired of keeping it a secret from the people that I am closest to. So here I am…sharing another page in my open book.